Not Even If You Were the Last Man on Earth
by AlunaHon
Summary: KaibaJoey- Funny how your words can come back to bite you where it hurts. My friend's excellent fic. COMPLETED!
1. The Second Best Day of the Year

"Not Even If You Were the Last Man on Earth!!"  
  
By: Kali Edoscope  
  
Genre: 95%Humor/5%Romance  
  
Rating: PG-13 for swearing, and slight homosexuality  
  
Warnings: Shonen-ai between Seto and Joey...but not for a LONG, LONG (agonizing) time, door abuse, and frequent references to hyenas.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Yu-Gi-Oh; they belong to whatever the guy's name is who created it. I cannot spell his name correctly, so I will not disgrace the genius by spelling his name wrong. No money whatsoever is being made from this fan fiction. The end.

a/n = author's note

a/c = author's comment

Chapter 1: The Second Best Day of the Year

It was the best day of the entire year. Well, actually, the second best. Christmas is always the best day of the year, hands down. But today...today was the last day of school. The day of freedom, the day of relaxation, the day where you played pranks on your least favorite teacher in revenge for all they've done to you for the past school year, and not have to worry about detention. Yes, today there was much rejoicing at Domino High. (a/c: Monty Python Yay!)  
  
Joey Wheeler was one of these rejoicers, and also one of those who rejoiced the loudest. It was the last period of the day, and he had finally cooled down enough to have a decent conversation with his friends.  
  
"So, Joey, what are you planning on doing this summer?" Yugi asked casually.  
  
"Meh, nothin' much, really. Hang out wit' you guys, of course, but maybe I'll get a shudder job or somethin'," Joey responded.  
  
"Aw, that's boring," Téa interjected, "You should find love!"  
  
Joey burst out laughing, "Oh, yeah right!! Me? LOVE?! Dat's a riot!" The teen proceeded to then pound on his desk in uncontrollable laughter.  
  
Téa pouted, but continued, "Who knows? I mean, it could even be Seto Kaiba!"  
  
Joey choked back on his laughter, glancing over at the said millionaire who sat a few desks away from them, reading a thick book written in Latin. "You have GOT tah be kidding me! Me and Kaiba, a couple?!?!? Dat's just...unimaginable! We absolutely can't STAND each other! I wouldn't fall in love wit' him, even if he was da last man on Earth! And, also, I'M NOT GAY!" The New York accented teen argued.  
  
"Suuure you're not," Grinned Tristan.  
  
The poofy-haired blonde's eyes narrowed, "Hey, just because you guys are all gay, doesn't mean I have tah be." It was true, all of his friends were gay, including Téa. Heck, even his little sister was a lesbian! Not that it mattered to him, of course, but sometimes he wondered if he was the last straight man that he knew.  
  
"Ah, but Joey, life becomes more fun on the gay side," Tristan snickered, imitating Darth Vader (a/n: Of which I do not own.).  
  
"Yes, Joey...become one of us," Ryou joined in.  
  
"One of us, Joey!" Yugi encouraged in a demonic tone. The gang backed Joey into a corner, chanting, "One of us! One of us!"  
  
"AAAAHHHH!!! SOMEONE SAVE ME!!" Joey pleaded to the air, hands protecting his face from the staring eyes of his friends.  
  
"Oh, relax, Joey, you know we're only kidding," Yugi chuckled, pulling back slightly and no longer acting like a demonic creature.  
  
Joey let out a breath he was holding in, and smiled, "Oh, I know. But still, you guys were creepin' me out!" He shivered slightly at the recent memory. He shrugged it off, and asked, "Hey, Yugi, whatcha gonna do dis summer?"  
  
"Hmm...well, nothing too much I think. Wait, never mind," The tri-colored haired teen grinned, "I actually AM doing something cool this summer!!"  
  
"Really, what?" Joey inquired, rather interested.  
  
"I'm going to that cool new water park that opened up five miles from town!"  
  
"WOW!!!! DAT'S SO COOL!!!!" The blonde exclaimed excitedly, "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TAH GO DERE!!"  
  
"Man, I wish I could go, but I don't have enough money for the tickets," A dejected Tristan interjected.  
  
The other members of the little gang sighed, being in the same situation. Then, Yugi grinned as wide as a Cheshire cat, "Hang on guys, there's a catch!" The group looked up, rather confused. "I got you guys tickets too!!!"  
  
"WOW!!!!!" Exclaimed Tristan.  
  
"YUGI, THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU'RE THE EPITOME OF TRUE FRIENDSHIP!!" Téa shouted above Tristan.  
  
"Oh, that's splendid, Yugi! Thank you!" Spoke a soft-spoken Ryou Bakura.  
  
And, the one that roared loudest of them all was Joey, who boomed, "YUGI, MAN, YOU ROCK!!!"  
  
The short, but generous teen blushed slightly at all the attention, and kept mumbling that it was no big deal. But soon, a plan was arranged for when they would meet.  
  
"Alright then, Joey, we'll call you tomorrow when everyone's ready, since we all know that we can't rely on you to pay attention to your alarm clock," Yugi concluded.  
  
"Sounds good, Yug'," The blonde grinned, holding up a victory sign. At that moment, the last bell rang throughout the school, signaling the freedom of the students and the start of summer. The mass of students began to stampede towards the single, lonely door of the classroom that had to somehow let them all out without losing its hinges...which seemed rather impossible; that poor, pitiful door. But right as Joey Wheeler passed through the threshold to freedom, he heard his archenemy smirk from behind him. Yes, that's right, he could HEAR him smirk, it was that loud! 

He froze, and slowly turned his head back and glared at the President of KaibaCorp., "Yeah, what do YOU want, Kaiba?"  
  
"Oh, nothing," Kaiba smirked as he walked by, briefcase in hand, "I just find it rather amusing that you come when called, just like the obedient dog you are, Wheeler."  
  
"Bastard," Joey muttered, "YOU BE GLAD I'M IN A GOOD MOOD TODAY!" He shook his fist angrily at the teenage CEO who was walking out the front doors of the high school. The blonde paused for a moment, thinking, "Aw, man, he was listenin' tah my conversation wit' da gang! I hope he wasn't listenin' too closely, otherwise he'd pester me for weeks on end! Well, whatevah, I'm goin' tah dat cool new water park tahmorrah!" With all concerned thoughts pushed out of his mind and instead filled with thoughts of water park fun, Joey Wheeler walked home a happy man.


	2. Cruel Summer

  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter 1. But, if you INSIST, I don't own anything related to Yu-Gi-Oh. At all. Nope. And no money is being made from this fic at all. Nope. Notta. Zilch. 

Chapter 2: Cruel Summer  
  
Joey woke up with a thud. "Huh? WazzawhereamI?" He mumbled sleepily from the floor that he had fallen on. (a/c: sounds like me...--) Blinking several times, he took in the walls and decorations of his room, letting it all sink in. "Oh, I guess I fell outta bed again," He murmured and sat up, stretching with a yawn. "Well, other than waking up on da floor, dat was da best sleep of my life," Joey concluded. Rubbing sand out of his eyes, he glanced over at the clock, and then abruptly snapped to attention and held the clock in front of his face in disbelief.

"WHAT?? IT CAN'T BE NOON, DAGANG SAID DEY'D CALL ME AT NINE!!!" Exclaimed the late riser. The teen rushed to put on decent clothes and ran out the door of his bungalow. He looked around frantically with his chestnut eyes and noticed that the streets were devoid of any life whatsoever except for the trees. Panicking, he started running at top speed toward his short friend's house.

"YUG'! YUG'! OPEN DA DOOR, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YA LEFT WIT'OUT ME!!!" Joey pounded on the front door of the Game Shop. He sunk to his knees and hit his head against the wood when there was no response but the echo of his frantic knocking on the poor, abused door.

"I can't believe it...dey...dey leftwit'out me," The blonde whispered. Sighing, he stood up again and walkedaway with a dejected hang of his shoulders. "I don't get it, dey'd said dey'd call me, and it isn't like dem to ditch me like dat," Joey pondered to himself, walking along Main Street of Domino City. Usually, this part of town was always bustling with life and crowded with bumper-to-bumper traffic. But today, there was eerily nothing moving except the wind in the trees and Joey's feet. It almost felt like he was the last human in the world.

Involuntary shivers ran down the blonde's spine as the feeling came to grips with him. "Where is everyone?" He asked the air. Then, as if an almighty force had heard him ask, Joey walked by a TV shop, to see a multitude of televisions in the window, all on the same station. He stopped to look at what was on. In the many screens there was an attractive news reporter who stood outside of an immense and magnificent water park that would make any kid do barefoot back flips on a hot, scorching sidewalk.  
  
"Hello!" Chirped the reporter, "I'm Mina Sagnoi reporting here at the Super-Duper-Fun-Fun Water Park that every kid dreams about and, strangely enough, doesn't have a specific name! This park opened up just yesterday, and it seems that absolutely EVERYONE in Domino City has come today! From the old to the young, the black to the blue, and even the non-humans are visiting today! Look at that ADORABLE little dachshund! HOW CUTE!" The camera then proceeded to zoom on a particularly cute and cuddly dachshund in the arms of the grinning owner. "Yep, that's right," Continued Mina, "Everyone who's ANYONE is here today!"  
  
Joey scowled menacingly at the screens and muttered evilly, "Those little traitors...ditching me like dat!" He huffed away from the toothy grins of Mina Sagnoi. It was a pretty warm day out, I mean, after all, it WAS summer, and with the sun bearing down on the abandoned blonde's head, it was starting to make his blood boil more than it had been previously. "Those little traitors are gonna get a stern lecture outta me when dey get back," Joey muttered to himself, fists clenching slightly.

One hand reached up to wipe the sweat off his brow, and as he did so, he thought he saw something on the bench in front of him. It moved. Joey instantly perked. 'Could it be...ANOTHER HUMAN?!?" He thought excitedly. The teen rushed over to the bench and called, "H-Hey! Are you another human?" The bundle of worn-out clothes on the bench jerked upright and stretched.  
  
"Wazzawho'sthere?" Grumbled the hobo on the bench.  
  
"WOW! I'm NOT da only other livin' thing in dis city! Hey, Mister, what's your name?!" Joey jabbered enthusiastically.  
  
The hobo yawned and smiled, "Oh, I'm your Friendly Neighborhood Hobo Who Preaches Nonsense at Passerby. You can call me Ned." Ned extended his hand and Joey shook it.  
  
"Wow, er...Ned! I'm glad tah see dat I'm not da only person in dis city who didn't go tah dat water park!"  
  
"Yes, well, I AM a hobo. Well, I suppose I better get back to doing what I do best...preaching nonsense," Ned the Friendly Neighborhood Hobo Who Preaches Nonsense at Passerby coughed slightly, and then exclaimed, "COKE AND PEPSI ARE THE SAME THING, PEOPLE!! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?? THEY. ARE. THE. SAME!!!!"  
  
Joey blinked and started backing away from the ranting hobo. "Well, uh...it was nice meetin' ya, Ned," He said quietly and started walking away, leaving Ned to rant about the abuse of poor, defenseless doors.  
  
"Well, I guess it COULD be worse," The blonde reassured himself, "I mean, I COULD be stuck all alone in dis city. Or even worse, I could be stuck wit'-" Joey paused as suddenly there was an ominous crack of thunder in the only slightly overcast sky. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, and he had this sickening feeling that something really, really, really bad was coming his way. And, to justify his fears, a looming shadow appeared before him and his heart started to beat faster from the instinctive fear that raced through him. The tall shadow paused before him, and Joey could hear a smirk that he knew all too well.

"Kaiba," He hissed, with venomous hatred dripping through his teeth.


	3. The Third Man Left

  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter 2. And if you're not satisfied with that, see chapter 1.  
  
Chapter 3: The Third Man LeftThe smirk of his archenemy grew louder. "Well, mutt, I wasn't expecting you here. Shouldn't you be at that water park with your dorky little friends?" Seto Kaiba sneered.  
  
"Shut it, Kaiba! I'm in no mood tah argue wit' ya right now. And I'm not a damn dog!" Joey snarled, anger boiling in his veins.  
  
The millionaire chose to ignore the irritated aura Joey was emitting and decided to continue infuriating the other teen further, "Of COURSE you're a dog, you snarl just like one!"  
  
"Would ya just shut da hell up?! Why couldn't ya have gone tah dat water park like everyone else?!" The blonde shouted.  
  
"I have a company to run, you idiot. I don't have time for stupid things like 'water parks,'" The CEO stated, knowing that his opponent was losing this spar.  
  
"Bastard," Joey growled and turned his back on the irritating teen and began to stomp away. 'Just ignore him, just ignore him,' The frustrated blonde chanted in his head, trying desperately to use the advice his friends had given him and just walk away from a direct confrontation.  
  
"Oh, so your so-called 'friends' DID ditch you!" Kaiba chuckled meanly after the retreating teen.  
  
Joey froze in his retreat. That really, really stung. What made it worse was that it was true. He snapped back around and roared, "Listen, ya annoying bastard! Dat is absolutely none of your business! And if ya don't shut da hell up right now, I'm gonna smash dat stupid smirk of yours into a pulp!"  
  
The blue-eyed teen said nothing, but his trademark smirk grew wider, as though to say "YOU SUCK, LOSER!!" in blaring stereo. "DAT'S IT!!" Joey raged, swinging his fist forward to smash that provoking smirk.

Kaiba easily dodged the blow, and as Joey swung the other fist, he grabbed the teen's arm and flipped him over his right shoulder with practiced ease. The blonde grunted at the impact of landing on sidewalk cement and sat up, rubbing his arm. The CEO laughed cruelly, and calmly picked up his briefcase that he had set down.

"Have fun playing without your 'friends,' Wheeler," He sneered and continued on his way, with Joey's glare imprinted on the back of his flaring coat. (a/c: Yes, it says FLARING, not FLAMING. Even though either one would work snicker)  
  
"Why dat little..." Joey muttered darkly, standing up now, "How does he always get da last insult? One of dese days, I swear I'll get my revenge on him!" He brushed himself off, and decided to head back towards his home, since it was a fair ways away and it was now about 4 o'clock.  
  
On the way back, he passed the TV store again and frowned at the image of Mina Sagnoi squealing over the biggest, fastest, and best water ride in the entire park. "TRAITORS!" He screamed, waking up Ned the Friendly Neighborhood Hobo Who Preaches Nonsense at Passerby.

Ned gave a startled, "DOORS HAVE FEELINGS TOO!!" before giving Joey a puzzled look.

"Eh heh...sorry dere, Ned, buddy, didn't mean tah startle ya," The teen apologized.  
  
"S'no problem, young man," Ned mumbled, stifling a yawn, "But remember, DOORS FEEL PAIN! WE MUST TREAT THEM WITH RESPECT!"  
  
"Um...okay," Joey said, continuing his trek back to his house.  
  
He reached home around six, which was enough time to microwave a leftover slice or two of pizza and fume in silence.

"Stupid Kaiba, stupid water park, stupid friends..." He muttered to himself, "I'll give dem all a piece of my mind, dat's for sure. Hmph, dey'll be comin' home to a very upset friend tahmorrah."


	4. Tomorrow's Another Day

  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter 3. If you don't like that, see chapter 2. And if THAT doesn't satisfy you, see chapter 1.  
  
Chapter 4: Tomorrow's Another Day 

Joey opened his eyes to the ceiling of his room, which was a nice improvement from the rug. He sat up and automatically looked over at his clock, which read 11 A.M. Nodding to himself, he silently got out of bed and dressed. He didn't speak a word, but instead ran through in his mind what he was going to say to his friends when he saw them. His eyes fell upon his trusty mini paintball gun, and a small smirk escaped him as he reached for it. 'Heck, if worse comes tah worse and I can't express my feelings wit' words, then I'll go wit'out dem,' He thought maniacally.   
  
Tucking the mini weapon into a pocket of his pants, he looked at himself in the mirror and set his face into an "I'm really pissed off wit' ya" glare. Satisfied with the effectiveness of his glare, he stepped out of his house, ready to face the returned crowds and his backstabbing friends.  
  
Only to find that the streets were empty.  
  
Joey's jaw dropped, and his scary glare evaporated.

"WHAT DA HELL?!" He exclaimed to the deserted streets, "EVERYONE SHOULD BE BACK BY NOW, DEY DON'T HAVE SLEEPIN' QUARTERS AT DAT PARK!! And after all dat work I did tah put on my scary glare..." He rushed back downtown and skidded to a halt in front of the TV store, panting for breath. "Stupid TV, ya BETTER tell mewhat's goin' on!" The blonde threatened the inanimate object. And, as if the television sets bended to his will, the somehow perpetually happy news reporter appeared on the many, many screens.

"Hello! This is Mina Sagnoi reporting from the Super-Duper-Fun-Fun Water Park that every kid dreams about and, strangely enough, doesn't have a specific name! Well, it appears that everyone that came here yesterday is STILL here! Now why is that, you may ask? Apparently, someone who works here at the park discovered that one of the several thousand park-attendees had an extremely contagious and serious disease. So, in order to provide the safety of other potential park-attendees and to keep the disease from spreading to other regions, the park has been officially quarantined! Yep, that's right, quarantined! No one can enter or exit the park until every single person has been checked, and the confirmed infected person has been completely cured. I talked with the manager via a radio transmitter, and he told me that this process could take several weeks...but not to worry, though! Food, clothing, shelter, etc., will be provided to the people within the park. But, still, you can't help but feel sorry for the poor thousands of park-attendees trapped within the park, who have jobs to return to and, not to mention, a new lack of privacy now that they all have to remain stuck with each other for weeks on end! Gee, I sure hope that cute little dachshund is okay! Now, we'll have Tim Chang reporting with the weather after the following commercial break," Mina Sagnoi reported, and then a commercial about the proper finishing of wooden doors popped up, declaring the effectiveness of PineSmooth™ Door Finishing Formula.  
  
Joey stood silently for a moment, and then blinked. Suddenly, he burst into a fit of hysterical laughter.

"You mean t-tah tell me dat -AHAHAHAHAHAHA!- I'm gonna be stuck here for WEEKS wit'out anyone but a hobo and-and-AHAHAHAHA!-KAIBA tah talk to?!? Dat's-Dat's-AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!"

The teen continued to laugh like an insane hyena, which concerned Ned, who looked over at Joey and nervously asked, "Hey, kid, are you going to be okay?" The hysterical blonde slowly tried to win back his sanity, and took in shaky breaths.  
  
"Yeah, I think I'll be alright, Ned. Just a bit shocked I think," The chestnut-eyed teen reassured the hobo.  
  
"Well, if you're sure, kid, then-ahem-ONE DAY, THE DUST BUNNY KING WILL COME TO OVERTAKE OUR WORLD! WE MUST PREPARE!! WE MUST PREPARE FOR THE DUST BUNNY INVASION!!!" Declared Ned the Friendly Neighborhood Hobo Who Preaches Nonsense at Passerby.  
  
Joey chuckled somewhat at the peculiar hobo's antics, and then frowned at the TV sets, which now featured Tim Chang the Weatherman. "Well, I guess my Lady Luck has decided tah dish out my revenge for me," A small grin crossed his face, "She's never let me down before. Well, gang, dis is what ya get when ya betray Joseph Wheeler." He solemnly walked off in the direction he had taken yesterday, because there was still some business that needed to be taken care of. Ned's rant of dust bunnies followed after him.   
  
(a/c: Aahh..the perfect anti-climax)


	5. Joey's Revenge

  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Don't make money from fanfic. The end. Chapter 5: Joey's Revenge  
  
Joey walked with all the seriousness of a businessman, or a mafia man for that matter. Main Street was as still as a reflecting pool in a dark, dank cave, and it also carried the same eerie atmosphere. Nothing disturbed the silence, not even a pigeon's coo was present from the small trees that lined the sidewalk. 

Joey suddenly stopped, and stood with a glare as he waited for his rival to appear. 'I know he's gonna come, I just know it,' He thought silently. Deathly cold silence descended upon the street, aseven the wind ceased to blow.  
  
And then, a single drop of mineralized water dripped from a stalactite and fell into the smooth, glass-like surface of the pool in the dark cave as Kaiba's looming shadow fell upon the sidewalk, sending a disturbance of ripples throughout the perfect stillness; and the mirrored image of the heavenly stalactite city above it was blurred.

"Back for more, are we,Wheeler?" The blue-eyed teen mocked.  
  
"Kaiba," Joey hissed, "You're gonna pay for what ya did tah me yesterday."  
  
"Am I now?" The CEO chuckled amusedly, "And how do you plan on doing that? Get your backstabbing friends to help you?"  
  
"Shaddup! What's your problem, anyway? Don't ya have anything better tah do than humiliate me?"  
  
"Actually, I don't."  
  
Joey blinked. "Huh? I thought dat ya were goin' tah work!" He exclaimed.  
  
"True, I am. But, I don't have much to do there except check up on the locks and scan through the inventory, to make sure nothing was stolen," Kaiba explained.  
  
The chestnut-eyed teen looked even more confused than before. "Don't ya do more than dat, though? I thought dat ya usually fire an employee or two dere and attend a bunch of meetings and stuff?"  
  
"My employees are...absent."  
  
That's when it clicked inside Joey's head. "Ya mean your employees are at dat park, too?!?" The blonde exclaimed in disbelief.  
  
"Yes," The blue-eyed teen answered curtly.  
  
Joey smirked, "Heh, maybe ya should learn tah have more control over your employees, Kaiba."  
  
The CEO's eyes narrowed, "Don't tell me how to run my company, Wheeler."  
  
"Hey, whattabout Mokuba? Is he dere, too?"  
  
"That's none of your business!" Kaiba snapped dangerously.  
  
"He is, isn't he?" Joey's mischievous grin extended.  
  
"..."  
  
"Ha! I knew it! Even your little brotha ditched ya! Some big brotha YOU are!" The blonde mocked.  
  
"If you know what's in your best health interest, you'd SHUT UP NOW!" The blue-eyed teen snarled viciously.  
  
Joey chose to ignore him and continued with, "Gee, I hope dat poor kid's alright. I mean, he's stuck in a park wit' thousands of other people dat could mug 'im, bully 'im, and make fun of 'im! If I was ten and didn't have anyone I knew tah trust, I'd sure be scared!"  
  
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP, INSOLENT DOG!" Kaiba bellowed, stretching forth a thin arm topped with a fist to break the blonde's jaw. But Joey saw it coming. He ducked backwards and reached in his pocket. Pulling out the hand-sized paintball gun, he aimed and pulled the trigger.

POW! Awell-aimed paintball hit the enraged Kaiba square on the chest, and neon pink paint splattered all over him. The pink paint dripped from his formerly bleached white coat, and his face was now that of a startled flamingo's as he blinked in shock. (a/c: AHAHAHAAA!!)The blonde grinnedand said in his best James Bond imitation voice,

"Touché." He then proceeded to start laughing hysterically at the expression of pure surprise on Kaiba's neon pink face. "Man, Kaiba," The teen laughed, "I wish I had a camera! Your expression is absolutely PRICELESS!!" But his amusement was cut short as Kaiba's face distorted into one that would make Hell freeze over and even Satan himself quiver in his boots. "Oh...shit," Joey whispered, and then ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction, with a pink-splattered teen hot on his heels. He skidded around a corner into an alleyway, and could hear his pursuing enemy do the same behind him.

"YOU DAMN MUTT, YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!!" Was roared at Joey as the blonde teen continued to run, pushing trash cans down behind him in an attempt to slow down the blue-eyed hurricane that followed. (a/c: RUN, JOEY!!! RUNN!!!)His frantic brown eyes searched for some sort of aid to help him escape. They fell upon a nearby fire escape. He rushed over to the ladder of safety and climbed as fast as he possibly could without the risk of falling and breaking his neck. Clanging that resonated from behind him told the endangered teen that Kaiba hadn't given up yet.

Reaching the top of the building, Joey looked around in a panic for some means of being able to possibly jump or catapult to the next building. To his horror, there was none. His eyes widened as he flipped around and saw a psychotically grinning Kaiba emerge from the fire escape. The look that the blue-eyed fury gave him was that of a hyena cornering a frightened gazelle on a ravine. Joey backed as far as he could go, just like that doomed gazelle.

"You have no where left to run," The CEO-turned-hyena wickedly smirked as he advanced, "No where to hide. And nothing to save you."

Joey, the doomed gazelle, was about to consider repenting for his sins when he looked down and saw his savior. He glanced up and smiled mock-sweetly.

"You'll nevah take me alive," He stated, and jumped.  
  
"WHAT THE-?!" Exclaimed the predator denied his prey. He rushed over to the side of the building and looked down, expecting to see Joey's mangled body sprawled in the alleyway. But instead, he saw Joey on top of an inflatable chair, with Ned the Friendly Hobo Who Preaches Nonsense at Passerby helping the blonde on his feet and both of them dashing away.

"Why that sneaky little-" Kaiba whispered angrily, as he considered continuing his chase. But, just as he was about to rush back down the fire escape, he paused. He was tired, and didn't feel like running around anymore covered in pink paint. "Well, tomorrow's another day, mutt. And even Lady Luck won't be enough to save you from my wrath," The belligerent blue-eyed hunter proclaimed, and cackled evilly into the late-afternoon sky from the rooftop of the flower shop. (a/c: chuckle love them anticlimaxes)


	6. A Walk in the Park

  
  
Disclaimer: Me no own Yu-Gi-Oh. Me make no $ from fanfic. No sue me. Me wish me were ice cream.Chapter 6: A Walk in the Park  
  
"Hey dere, Ned buddy," Joey smiled at his new hobo-friend the next day, "I'd like tah thank ya again for savin' me yesterday. Who knows what kind of horrible fate would've befallen me if ya hadn't of come?"  
  
Ned beamed amiably at the New York accented teen, "Hey, it was no problem. I'm glad I could help out."  
  
"Thanks. And I mean it, really. Ya saved my life," The blonde reiterated, and then asked, "Hey, I'm goin' tah da park today. Wanna come?"  
  
"Oh, no thanks, kid. I have to work on my next speech," The hobo declined, and proceeded to mumble a draft of a speech about the insanity of rich people.  
  
"Well, I guess I'll see ya around, then," Joey waved and headed off in the direction of the park.  
  
The chestnut-eyed teen had decided as soon as he got up that morning that he would walk a different way that day. After that life-threatening situation the day before, he wasn't ready for another one so soon. The park seemed to gleam with a natural aura that caused everything to be shining with beauty. Sunshine filtered through the emerald leaves of the trees, and the majestic water fountain at the center of the small Eden bubbled joyfully. Joey sighed contentedly and sat at one of the simple benches beside the fountain.

"I don't get it," He said suddenly, "Why did da gang just ditch me like dat? It's not like dem. Dey'd nevah do something like dat." A sigh of gloom escaped him. "Well, when dey get back, things'll be straightened out." His eyes lifted to the sky. "Hmm...I suppose I better hang out here for da next couple of days, cause I really doubt dat Kaiba's gotten over da fact dat I turned him into a 'smurf-gone-gay.'"  
  
"I happen to agree with that," Came a voice lined in ice from behind Joey.  
  
The blonde's eyes snapped wide in fear, and he spun around to see a maniacally grinning Kaiba--with the biggest, scariest, and most powerful Super Soaker that he ever laid eyes on.

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!" Screamed Joey, stumbling backward, "K-KAIBA???"  
  
The insane grin somewhat lessened into a smirk, "Who do you think I'd be? Now, I suggest you say your prayers, because today is your doomsday." Without wasting a second, the blue-eyed fury fired a jet of water at the defenseless Joey, who, surprisingly, was actually propelled backwards.

'YOWCH!' Thought Joey, 'DAT ACTUALLY HURT!' He scrambled to his feet and momentarily stared in shock at the almost otherworldly magnificence of the powerful Super Soaker, and then took off as fast as he could, with jets of water following him. 'I REALLY AM GONNA DIE TODAY!' The doomed one thought despairingly as he was hit with a constant torrent of bruising water. 'Ned is in no position tah help me, and I stupidly left my only weapon at home!' Joey blinked his chestnut eyes from beneath his sopping mop of blonde hair as he continued running out of the park and onto Main Street. 'I wonder if I can make it home before I'm murdered!' He thought desperately as Kaiba's cackle echoed from the empty skyscrapers(a/c: creeepyy...). 'Dat guy's havin' too much fun tah be sane!' Joey winced as he heard his shoes squeak loudly, signaling where he was like a submarine's radar from his temporary hiding place, a dark alleyway.

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY THIS TIME, WHEELER!" Exclaimed Kaiba from a nearby fire escape. The blue-eyed hunter smirked as he jumped down and slowly advanced as the blonde teen started backing away. The smirk extended into a sadistic grin as he said, "You do realize this is a dead end, don't you?"  
  
"IT'S A WHAT?!?" Screeched Joey, who whirled around and was a nose length's away from a twelve-foot brick wall. A stream of colorful curses escaped the cornered gazelle as his eyes extended to that of a deer's in headlights. Kaiba raised the nozzle of the deadly Super Soaker to between his soaking prey's eyes,

"Any last words, mutt?"  
  
'So...dis is da end. I can see my life flashin' before my eyes. Dere's me and Serenity at da beach, me and da gang at Duelist Kingdom, me winnin' my Red Eyes, Serenity getting her sight back... Well, it's been somewhat of a good life, I guess. If only I could..."  
  
"TRUCE!!!" Screamed Joey, just as Kaiba was about to soak his memory and drown his brain.  
  
"Hmm?" The blue-eyed teen raised a questioning eyebrow.  
  
"I p-propose a t-truce!" Squeaked the dripping blonde.  
  
"Go on."  
  
"God!! Could you at least put up dat destructive device?!" Joey begged. His enemy removed the Super Soaker from between the quivering teen's eyes, and then crossed his arms and waited for the desperate gazelle to proceed. "Finally," Breathed the chestnut-eyed teen, who then regained some composure and continued, "I have an idea. Follow me."  
  
"How do I know that you're not going to escape?" Snapped Kaiba.  
  
"Because you've got a deadly weapon in your hands dat scares me tah near-death and dat could blast da tonsils outta me."  
  
The captor smirked and nodded, seemingly satisfied with the answer. Joey walked back to Main Street, and then stood in the center of the pavement. "Alright, dis is my plan. YOU get dis half of da city, and I get dis half," He explained, indicating that Kaiba now temporarily owned the eastern half of the city, and he owned the western half. The blue-eyed CEO raised an eyebrow. "THAT'S your plan?"  
  
"Yep. You can't cross over on my half, and I can't cross over tah yours. Dis way, neither one of us has tah bother da other at any point."  
  
"Are you sure you want to do that?" Kaiba inquired.  
  
Joey snorted, and scoffed, "Of COURSE I'm sure! Unless YOU got any bright ideas, genius!"  
  
"Hmm...well, I COULD just kill you now and never have you bother me again," The other teen considered, patting his trusty Super Soaker of Doom.  
  
"WHAT?!? Ya can't be serious!!" The blonde cried.  
  
"Hmm...but then again, if I did that, I'd have to explain your corpse to your friends, and I really don't want to go through the hassle of lawsuits. Besides, I'm more of a businessman rather than a mafia man," The CEO pondered to himself, and then turned to his adversary, "I accept your truce, mutt." He walked over to the half of the city he now temporarily owned.  
  
"Dat's right, Kaiba! Now ya can't cross over on my side!" Declared Joey.  
  
"Same goes to you, Wheeler," Stated Kaiba, who was now walking in the direction of his mansion, with the deadly Super Soaker of Doom in hand.  
  
Joey beamed in triumph. 'I've made it through da day wit' my life! And now, I'll nevah have tah meet up wit' dat prick again!' He praised himself. Proudly marching home, he saw Ned the Friendly Hobo Who Preaches Nonsense at Passerby in the same position he had left him in. "Hey, Ned!" The joyful teen called over, "Guess what?"  
  
Ned looked up, smiled, and asked, "What?"  
  
"I struck a deal wit' Kaiba, and now he can't come over tah my half of da city! I'll nevah have tah see him again!"  
  
Ned pondered for a moment, and then implored, "Which half do I belong to?"  
  
Joey paused to think, shrugged, and said, "Um...I guess you're neutral. Ya can go tah whichever side ya feel like."  
  
"Alright then! Oh, and kid, in case you forgot-WE MUST PREPARE FOR THE DUST BUNNY INVASION! THEY ARE THE ONES RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SAMENESS OF COKE AND PEPSI!!!! THEY MUST BE STOPPED!" Proclaimed Ned the Friendly Hobo Who Preaches Nonsense at Passerby.  
  
"Whatevah, Ned. I'm gonna go home and dry off."


	7. With a Recond High of a 104 Degrees Fahr...

Chapter 7: With A Record High of 104 Degrees Fahrenheit...!

"AAAAAHHH!!!! I'M BURNING, I'M BURNING!!!! NOOOO!!! MY

HAIR'S ON FYAH!!!!!!" Screeched Joey, who landed on the floor of his bedroom. "Huh?   
  
What...time...is it?" He mumbled, and then sat up, with a pillow sticking to  
  
the side of his head. "Why's it so...hot?" He panted, and sat up, pillow  
  
somehow still stuck to his blonde head. He cautiously opened the blinds of  
  
his window, and winced as bright, hot, blazing sunlight streaked into the  
  
dark room. "GAH! TOO BRIGHT!!" The teen reared back from the window,  
  
trying to rub away the colorful spots he kept seeing in front of his  
  
chestnut eyes. Finally regaining control of his vision and conscious  
  
thought, he said, "Hmm...I probably blew out da air conditioner," He  
  
reasoned, and then reached to flip on the light switch. But no light came  
  
from the glass bulb in the ceiling. "Huh? What da-?" Joey started to  
  
frantically flip the switch, with nothing happening. "Maybe da bulb burnt  
  
out," He considered, but then looked over at his digital clock, to see it  
  
flashing '12:00 A.M.' in bright red. "Oh, great! DA POWER'S OUT!" The  
  
blonde exclaimed, and grumbled, "Dammit, dat means dat da fridge isn't  
  
working. And wit'out da fridge working, I can't stand in front of it tah  
  
cool off...and da milk probably went bad. Dammit."  
  
He forced himself to open the blinds of his window and allow sunlight  
  
into his dark room. "Man, it's so...HOT OUT!!" Joey complained loudly, then  
  
sighed, "I guess I'll get myself a glass of water." Stumbling along the  
  
dark hallway outside of his room, the blonde somehow made it to his kitchen  
  
without stubbing any of his toes on random things that occasionally littered  
  
the floor. Reaching blindly for a glass in a cabinet, he placed it under  
  
the tap and turned it on. Problem was, all the faucet did was make a  
  
sputtering noise. No water emerged from the sink, not one lonely drop.   
  
Joey's chestnut eyes narrowed in fury, "WHAT DA HELL IS GOIN' ON HERE?!"   
  
And, as if an almighty force could somehow hear him and bended to his every  
  
whim, the lights eerily flickered on, as well as the TV. And on that TV was  
  
the image of a face Joey had hoped he would never see again.  
  
"KAIBA?!?!?!?!?" The blonde teen exclaimed in complete shock.  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! JOEY, YOU IDIOT!" Laughed the sadistic CEO on  
  
the TV screen, "Were you even THINKING yesterday?! I suppose not, because  
  
you gave me the half of the city with the power plant, as well as the water  
  
plant! Well, just to let you know, today's going to be a record high of 104  
  
degrees Fahrenheit! Have fun!" The blue-eyed teen snickered with a smirk,  
  
and then the power flickered off again. A strange silence enveloped the  
  
room while Joey stood there with his jaw hanging open. "Dat...bastard," He  
  
whispered, before chucking the nearest object he could find at the black  
  
screen.  
  
"Why...me?" Joey moaned as he walked down Main Street in flip-flops,  
  
shorts, and a tank top. He knew that it seemed kind of stupid to walk  
  
around in the sun on such a hot day, but he just COULDN'T stay in his dark  
  
house and be bored to death. So, that is how he came to be walking around  
  
in the blazing sun; he was trying to find something to do, or maybe even  
  
possibly, some place in his half of the city with working air conditioning.   
  
But, it seemed that Kaiba had decided to try and kill Joey with heatstroke  
  
after all, as nothing in his half-city worked at all.  
  
"Oh, man...I think I'm startin' tah see mirages," The overheated teen  
  
groaned when he saw a dancing ice cream cone in front of him.   
  
back Mr. Frosty...pleeeeeeeeeasssseeeeeee," The sweaty blonde reached out for  
  
the hallucination that danced away, giggling like a demonic Furby.   
  
"Can't...go...on..." Joey panted, as he collapsed in the shade of a skinny tree,  
  
and tried to unstick his tank top from his sweaty skin. Fuzzily, he glanced  
  
up to the other side of Main Street. To his extreme jealousy, he saw Kaiba  
  
reclining in a pool chair by an outdoor pool, sipping from a glass of iced  
  
tea topped with a lemon wedge in his navy blue swimming trunks. "What's the  
  
matter, Joey? You look a bit hot over there," Smirked the evil blue-eyed  
  
tormentor.  
  
Joey glared and promptly flicked the opposite teen off.   
  
"I...hate...ya...so...much!" He muttered through clenched teeth. Chestnut eyes  
  
suddenly noticed something swimming in his enemy's outdoor pool. "NED?!?"   
  
Exclaimed the aggravated blonde.  
  
"Huh?" Spluttered Ned the Friendly Hobo Who Preaches Nonsense at  
  
Passerby.  
  
"WHAT ARE YA DOIN' OVER DERE?!?"  
  
"Well, you said I could go to whichever side I felt like. Today I  
  
felt like going on this side. SAVE THE WALES!" Declared Ned, who dove back  
  
under the cool waters.  
  
"TRAITOR!!" Bellowed Joey.  
  
Kaiba watched this exchange with amusement, and called to the -once  
  
again- abandoned teen, "Wow, Joey! You sure do suck at picking friends,  
  
huh?"  
  
"Oh, shaddup. I don't have da energy tah fight wit' ya today." He  
  
whined, and placed an arm over his eyes, waiting for the sun to turn him to  
  
ashes.  
  
"You know, I think I could allow you to come over here," Came a  
  
thoughtful proposition from the opposite teen.  
  
"REALLY???" The overheated blonde jumped up from his 'deathbed' and  
  
started jogging towards the oasis just a few yards away.  
  
"On one condition..." Added the blue-eyed businessman.  
  
Joey froze just as he was about to step over the assigned border  
  
between the two city halves. "Whaaat?" He pitifully whined, feeling he  
  
would crumble to pieces if he didn't get in that pool at that exact second.  
  
"Give me control over your half of the city."  
  
'Oh man, if I do dat, then I'll nevah be able tah get away from him  
  
and he'd probably make me sleep in a box or...ah, screw it. It's too hot out  
  
tah think anymore...' "Fine." He said simply. "NOW can I please dive into  
  
dat pool before I melt!!" 'Ugh...I'm so desperate I'm bein' polite...' He  
  
thought disgustedly.  
  
"Of course," Was the response.  
  
"ALRIGHT!!!!" Was the joyful cry as the poor overheated blonde did a  
  
cannon ball into the pool, shoes and all. When he resurfaced, he'd felt as  
  
though he had emerged into heavenly bliss. A happy sigh escaped him as he  
  
contentedly just floated there, reveling in the cool water. He then  
  
chuckled when he noticed that he was still wearing his flip-flops.   
  
Dog-paddling to the edge of the pool, he placed the slip-on shoes on the dry  
  
cement as well as his shirt. Joey glanced over at Kaiba to see him staring  
  
seductively at him. 'Wait...WHAT?' The blonde spluttered in his mind, and he  
  
blinked and glanced again. The look was gone; Kaiba was simply staring at  
  
the sky. 'Meh...must've been da heatstroke,' Joey shrugged, and then also  
  
looked up to see what his enemy found so interesting in the sky.  
  
Dark thunderclouds boomed ominously overhead, and then a raindrop fell  
  
on Joey's nose. As calm as anything, the blue-eyed teen reached under his  
  
chair and pulled out an umbrella right as the rain came thundering down.   
  
Joey stared in a stupor at the other teen. "Ya mean...tah tell me...dat ya KNEW  
  
DA ENTIRE TIME DAT IT WAS GONNA RAIN!!!!!!!!!" The chestnut-eyed, New York  
  
accented teen roared.  
  
"Of course. Didn't you watch the weather channel, Joey?" Kaiba  
  
smirked.  
  
"YA BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Joey screeched, and then proceeded to  
  
furiously splash his cruel enemy.


	8. Home Invader

Disclaimer: See other chapters.  
  
Chapter 8: Home Invader  
  
Joey walked home with the rain pounding down on his unsheltered head.   
  
Flip-flops squelched loudly as his feet led him to step in a puddle. "Dat  
  
crazy, sadistic, evil...thing," He muttered angrily to himself, catching his  
  
tank top, which he had hung on his shoulder, seeing as it was useless to put  
  
on an already soaking garment when it was raining. The blonde's brain felt  
  
slightly fuzzy from the remaining effects of screeching every insult and  
  
curse word in his language at Kaiba before stomping away. "Can't wait tah  
  
shower away dis stupid day," Joey said aloud as he opened the wooden,  
  
sturdy, useful door to his bungalow and placed his damp flip-flops beside  
  
the faithful door. He flipped the light switch on, to see that the power  
  
now worked again, and therefore it could be assumed that the water worked as  
  
well. "Dat's good," The chestnut-eyed teen smiled to himself, and headed  
  
towards his bathroom to take that soothing shower that he deserved.  
  
Unbeknownst to the poor, unsuspecting Joey, someone had decided to  
  
follow him home (a/c: insert Psycho music here Ha ha, just kidding. ).  
  
"Hmm...not too shabby for someone of his status," Commented Kaiba, who was  
  
observing the exterior of Joey's bungalow with interest. "I wonder if  
  
there's anything of blackmail value in there," He pondered, and then  
  
whisked a hairpin out of one of his mystical magic pockets and began picking  
  
the lock of the shocked door. The poor, abused door sighed, 'Why? Why is  
  
it that everything always picks on me?' The snooping teen finally heard  
  
something click, opened the door and began looking around the blonde's  
  
house. "Now, if I was Joey, and didn't have high-tech security like I do,  
  
where would I hide my innermost secrets?" The blue-eyed detective asked  
  
himself, and the answer came almost immediately, "A bedroom closet!" Within  
  
a few minutes of searching, he found what appeared to be Joey's bedroom, and  
  
indeed, there was a closet in that room. This closet didn't have the  
  
standard doors most people were used to, instead, they were the kind of  
  
doors where they fold out when you pull on the hinges, since there are no  
  
handles(a/c: Like MY bedroom closet doors). Kaiba nodded to himself, he  
  
had some of these at his mansion, they were tricky things. Pulling open one  
  
of the unique doors, he glanced at the clothes on the hangers, and then  
  
looked to the shelf above them. "Aha! A shoebox! Those are often used as  
  
memory boxes, last time I checked," The snooper declared, and reached up to  
  
grab the said box. But then, in a freakish occurrence of nature, he somehow  
  
bumped the door shut behind him. Blue eyes widened in horror as he heard  
  
the door snap shut. "Oh shit," He murmured, recalling how it was  
  
impossible to open the doors from the inside, as the several experiences of  
  
rescuing Mokuba from their own closet had taught him. Which meant that  
  
someone from the outside had to open it for him. (a/c: It's true, happened  
  
to me once.)  
  
"Yep, nothing can erase an awful day like a good soak in warm watah,"   
  
Joey declared to himself, stepping out of the shower stall and tying a towel  
  
around his waist. Grabbing another towel to dry his hair, he lazily started  
  
shaking the water out of his blonde locks and walked out into the hallway,  
  
and then into his room. He blinked his chestnut eyes. "Were da lights on  
  
when I left?" He asked the air, but then shrugged it off as careless energy  
  
wasting and reached to open his tricky closet doors to grab some dry  
  
clothes. Pulling open the doors by the hinges, his chestnut eyes met with a  
  
pair of startled ice blue ones. "GAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" Joey screamed, jumping  
  
back, "WHAT DA-?!?!? WH-WH--HOW DID YA GET IN MY CLOSET?!?!?!?"  
  
Kaiba stepped out of the closet (a/c: chuckles at play-on-words) and  
  
brushed off some lint clinging to his shoulder. "I tried to tell you when  
  
you were five, Joey. I'm the boogeyman who lives in your closet," He  
  
replied, and then stared as he noticed that the shocked teen was standing  
  
half-naked in front of him.  
  
"GET OUT!!!" The blonde screeched like a girl, chucking something  
  
random from his bedside table at the 'unexpected guest'. The intruder  
  
hastily retreated, closing the door behind him with a slam. As he jogged  
  
along the hallway, he grabbed a box of Kleenex to help stop his nosebleed.   
  
(a/c: HAHAHAHAAA!)  
  
Now fully dressed, an infuriated Joey stormed down the hallway to  
  
confront the one who dared enter his house uninvited. "KAIIIBAAAA!!!!" He  
  
roared, and stood with his hands on his hips in front of the blue-eyed  
  
invader, "WHAT ARE YA DOIN' IN MY HOUSE?!?!?"  
  
"I temporarily own the city, remember? I can be in whichever building  
  
I feel like," The CEO stated calmly.  
  
"Alright then..." Joey growled, "HOW did ya get in my house?!?!!"  
  
"I came down the chimney. Ho ho ho."  
  
The frustrated teen grabbed a fistful of Kaiba's shirt, and  
  
threatened, "Don't make me kill ya on dis spot."  
  
"Fine. I picked the lock. Satisfied?"  
  
"No. Not until ya GET OUT!" The blonde pointed at the door to  
  
emphasize his point.  
  
"No."  
  
"NO?!?!? WHADDYA MEAN 'NO'?!?!?!?"  
  
"When I mean 'no,' I mean that I will not," Kaiba smirked loudly,  
  
noticing that the other was close to exploding, "I 'own' the city, and I  
  
feel like staying here."  
  
"OH NO YOU'RE NOT!!! I'LL KICK YA OUT IF YA DON'T LEAVE!"  
  
The blue-eyed teen suddenly was inspired. He stuck his tongue out at  
  
Joey, and then dashed off in the direction of the blonde's room.  
  
"GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!" Roared the frustrated teen, and chased after  
  
the other. He slipped on the carpet in the hallway and fell face-forward.   
  
As he fell in slow motion, he saw (and heard) his opponent smirk and shut  
  
the door in his face with a 'click.' Struggling to get on his feet, he  
  
pounded on the bedroom door, "KAIBA!!!! GET OUTTA MY ROOM!!!"  
  
"Why should I?" Came the amused voice from the opposite side of the  
  
poor, abused door, "It's MY room now, after all!"  
  
"YA BASTARD!!!!! I HATE YA SO MUCH, I'M GONNA MURDER YA WIT' A  
  
CANDLESTICK IN A LIBRARY!!!" (a/c: Was suddenly inspired by Clue while  
  
writing this [a/n: do not own Clue])  
  
"Hey, Joey! Nice baby pictures!" Chuckled the devilish teen, "You  
  
make the perfect little tree in 'Wind in the Willows'!"  
  
"HEY!!! STAY OUTTA THOSE!!!"  
  
The only response from the other side of the battered door was  
  
hysterical laughter.  
  
"I'M SO GONNA KILL YA!!! I'LL-I'LL-I'LL TRASH YOUR HOUSE!!!!"  
  
"I'd like to see you try to get past the attack dogs."  
  
Joey kicked the already bruised door and screamed in fury. Seeing as  
  
there was nothing he could do, he stomped away, flumped down on the couch,  
  
and seethed in silence for hours until he finally fell asleep.  
  



	9. Wake Up Call

Disclaimer: Only adults 18 or older can call to order...oh, wait...wrong one. Sorry. I meant to say that I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh and that I don't make money from writing this fanfic. Yeah, that's it.  
  
Chapter 9: Wake-Up Call

"No...ya can't make me...I don't wanna pet dat tarantula! GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY! GAH!" Joey was suddenly awoken from his nightmare when cold water was splashed on his face. He sat up, spluttering, and glared at the smirking Kaiba standing above him with an empty bucket. "WHAT DA HELL DID YA DO DAT FOR?!?!?"

"Good morning to you too, Joey. Now move over," Kaiba ordered, shoving the blonde teen to the other side of the couch. He sat down on the couch, turned on the TV, and began channel surfing.

"Why are ya still in my house?!?"

"It's my house now."

"No it isn't! It's mine! Get out!"

"No, it's mine now. I'm not leaving."

"WHAT DO I HAVE TAH DO TAH GET YA OUT?!?!?"

The blue-eyed teen suddenly paused in his channel surfing, and thought for a moment. Grinning impishly, he turned to face Joey with a strange look in his eye that Joey was SURE he had IMAGINED before.

"Kiss me," He said.

"Huh?" The blonde blurted, and was about to follow up with something else, but Kaiba had muffled Joey's lips with his own. The thoroughly confused and surprised teen was too shocked to do anything for three seconds, but then his brain started screaming, 'WHAT DA HELL?!?!? WHAT'S GOIN' ON?? WH-WHY IS HE KISSING ME?!?!?!?' The blue-eyed teen pulled away for breath, and right as he was about to kiss the blonde again, Joey slapped him across the face. Joey realized that that seemed like an incredibly girly thing to do. 'But,' He defended himself, 'Ya slap sense intah people, and punch dem tah make dem senseless.' Kaiba seemed to realize this sudden femininity as well, since he snickered  
and commented, "Joey, that was an incredibly girly thing you just did." (a/c: I made Joey such a girl...)

"I KNOW DAT!! But punchin' someone only makes dem more senseless! Now, to da point, WHY DID YA KISS ME?!?!?" He screeched in an embarrassingly high tone.

The CEO chuckled and said, "I would've thought it was obvious."

Joey blinked. "Would've thought what was obvious?"

Sighing, the blue-eyed teen remarked, "I guess I over-estimated your intuition. Alright then, what have I been calling you lately?"

"WHAT DOES DAT HAVE TAH DO WIT' ANYTHING?!?"

"Just answer the question."

"Fine!" He huffed, "You've been callin' me nasty insults such as..." The blonde paused. "...Joey?" He said disbelievingly, just realizing this now.

"Yeah, that's one nasty insult, isn't it?" Kaiba smirked.

"SHADDUP!! I-I'm still confused!!! Why were ya-?!?"

"You can return the favor and call me Seto," The enigma interrupted.

"Uh...alright...Seto...but-"

"I guess you haven't noticed my glances either."

"YA MEAN DAT WAS REAL?!?!?" Joey cried incredulously, recalling the 'pool incident.'

"Of course. Thought you imagined it?" He smirked.

"Well...uh...yeah. B-B-But when did ya-?!?" The flustered teen stammered.

"You talk too much," Kaiba stated, "Shut up and kiss me." The chestnut-eyed teen was about to argue more in his New York accent, but the other teen had smothered his lips once again. 'Dis is goin' too fast! I mean, do I even like da guy?!? Does dat mean he likes me?!?!? AM I GAY?!?!?' His thoughts raced through his rapidly fogging brain. 'Man...he's a good kisser,' He thought sleepily as his chestnut eyes started to droop slightly. As they pulled apart for more air, Joey was about to give in to his boiling hormones when he saw something out of the corner of his eye.

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!" He screamed, spontaneously shoving Seto off him. He rushed over to the window, and his eyes lit up. "PEOPLE!!!!!" He squealed girlishly, and bolted out the door.

Seto Kaiba blinked from the floor that he had been suddenly shoved on and stared at the wide open door through which his almost-lover had raced out of. "Dammit, so close..." He muttered and stood up. Brushing off imperceptible dust, he calmly followed Joey out the door, and closed it behind him. The door was happy because it finally had been given the respect it deserved. 


	10. All's Well That Ends Well Sort of

Disclaimer: Look, if I owned this, I would've told you by now. So, I don't alright!!!! And I don't make money from it!!!!  
  
Chapter 10: All's Well That Ends Well...Sort of

Joey had never been so overjoyed to see other humans in his life. A huge crowd was walking in one big mass in his direction, looking rather exhausted and annoyed. "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!" The chestnut-eyed teen hyperventilated, hugging a random stranger who walked by him. "IT'S SO GREAT TAH HAVE YA BACK, MAN!" He cried, and then bounded ahead to greet other random people that he might've only seen once before in his entire life. The random stranger blinked, muttered something about kids on drugs these days, and continued walking. The poofy-haired blonde could feel his eyes watering from tears of joy when he heard familiar voices squeal from behind him. 

"JJJOOOOEEEEYYYYYY!!!!" His friends cried, running forward to glomp their absent comrade.

"GUYS!!!" He called, and was instantly dog piled by his buddies. "JOEY! WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!" Yugi cried into the blonde's shirt. "Aw, I missed you guys, too!" Joey goofily smiled, but then frowned as he recalled that THEY were the ones who DITCHED him. "Hey! Waitaminute!" He yelled, pulling out of his friends' group hug, "I thought dat you guys ditched me!" His eyes narrowed into an angry glare.  
"Huh?" The gang looked at him, confused. "YOU GUYS LEFT ME HERE!!" Joey bellowed, "YA SAID YA'D PHONE ME AT NINE!!" "We tried," Stated Tristan. "What?" The blonde blinked. "That's right," Yugi reinforced, "We tried calling you, but the phone company said your phone had been disconnected." "It did?" "Yeah! Joey, you mean you went for four days and never noticed that your phone was disconnected?" Téa asked incredulously. "Hmm...well, I guess I should've noticed something when da telemarketers stopped pesterin' me...BUT STILL! You guys could've pounded on my door or something! I would've woken up if ya hollered loud enough!" Joey argued. "Joey, we DID go to your house," Yugi defended, "You left a note on the door, telling us that you had left early to save us a spot at the most popular ride there!" "What?!?! Yugi, do ya still have dis note?" "Uh...yeah, I think so," The tri-colored haired teen said. "Could I see it?" The blonde asked. "Sure," The game king consented, digging into a pocket and retrieving the said note. He handed it to Joey. Chestnut eyes narrowed as he scanned over the typed note. "Guys, I couldn't have written dis," He declared, "I don't have a computer!" "Y-YOU DON'T?!?!?" The gang gasped. "BIG BROTHER!!!!!" Called someone, interrupting the gang's state of shock. They turned to see Kaiba being glomped by his little brother, Mokuba. "Hey, Mokuba," Smiled the blue-eyed teen, ruffling the youngster's fuzzy black hair, "Did everything work out alright?" "You bet, Seto! Everything went exactly as you said it would! It took them FOREVER to realize that my purple spots were just marker!" Mokuba chirped. Everyone's jaw dropped in unison. Joey stared at the smirking genius and then choked out, "Ya mean...tah tell me...DAT YA PLANNED ALL DIS FROM DA BEGINNIN'?!?!?!?!?" The trademark smirk grew louder, "Yes. What better way to help prove that you're wrong and have the situation bend to my advantage?" The gang registered what this meant. "Wow, Joey! You're in a relationship with Kaiba now?" Tristan inquired. "HA! I TOLD YOU THAT YOU'D FIND LOVE, JOEY!" Téa gloated. "That's great, Joey!" Smiled Yugi. "Congratulations!" Said Ryou. But Joey heard none of this. The dark flame of anger that had enveloped him blocked out all sound waves as he stepped towards his boyfriend menacingly. "WHY YA LITTLE-" He roared, fist swinging forward... ...For the next three weeks, Seto Kaiba had the biggest and loudest  
smirk out of anyone in Domino City...as well as the biggest black eye.  
  
"THE END," Declared Ned the Friendly Hobo Who Preaches Nonsense at Passerby  
from his bench. 


End file.
